to do list:
OC art trade with
OC art trade with
UK art trade with
UK request by

harddisk.... why are you so mean to meeee? ;______;

OKAY. i think............
I'm going to.......... die?

not because earthquakes, but teachers' yells or what idk. being in the express class is freaking me out. i start yelling like "I'm tiiiirrreeeedddd!!! ^@$#&@*#$%" or "I want to quit school" other useless sentences.

i feel like i lost my happiness as a free teenager or something lame as that. i start breaking some rules, but i'm still not happy. i got sick and i skipped classes, when i attended i couldn't do exams. final exams came and i cried a lot because of some depression. have you ever feel like "i want to spend my teen life as a normal teen with some great friends i can ask them go out on weekends and whatever but teachers say that i am smart and i can do many great things like this or that related to science or maths. they say i am a genius." something like that. in fact, "aaarrrggghhh, i got 50 for math, 40 for physics, 50 for biology, and 60 for chemistry!"

what should i do oh god. i'm tired. 2 years rather than 3 years? what i've been thinking was totally wrong.

i'd been yelling too much, i thought so. i studied harder. my marks were still quite the same. i AM afraid that i can't enter to this or that university i want. okay then. "i'll take art if i can't make it to the medical. i like art though i'm not good at it, i can practice " when i say and stop yelling about school, people yelling at me.

i don't know. next feb to april or maybe june or july too i will have tests to enter university. i want to play some games, i want to draw more as i rarely do that, i want to clean some mess and i realize i can't do them anymore. i must do scientific project and submit it on 6 nov or mom and teachers mad. i have try outs and i have to study.

friends are having different life, they are having happy fun time in the regular class. they just think i'm smart and i can do anything. i'm not a god oh dear. ;;

now i can't cry anymore. i just think that pains are making me stronger. i'm not at the limit yet. okay then i'll do the best i can.

i'm sorry that i wrote all stupid things here, i just don't know what to do because i don't have some abilities to. i don't care if you don't read, i don't really expect someone would listen as my parents don't. my friends are also having their problems and seems like it's hard enough that i feel pity, they shouldn't hear this or they'll kill me. i'll solve this and make some good things come true.

i'll not be able to be here for a while. if i die please just let it be and don't grudge me because i haven't done the artrades. really sorry sob sob sob.